Breaking Free and Talking About Shame, Guilt, Sorrow, and Fear
People have asked me why I have a passion to tell my story…
So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust, my great army which I sent among you” Joel 2:25 NKJV
For many years, I buried my past as deeply as I could. It was a part of my life that brought me shame, guilt, sorrow, and fear; and I hoped it would never rear its ugly head again.
I had given my life to Jesus when I was 5 years old, but through a series of tragedies and compromise, became someone who that young child could never have recognized. I soon forgot the things of the Lord and began the journey of self-preservation taken by so many suffering young women in an effort to simply survive. One compromise led to another and another until almost everything I once stood for became lost. Those poor and often dangerous choices led to a teen pregnancy, resulting in an abusive marriage. It wasn’t long before I was a single mother of two children – still living a less-than-admirable life. The weaker I became on the inside, the stronger I appeared on the outside and though I kept my head above water, I can see now that God was my life preserver – even then… even though He was barely a hope and a prayer in my world – and only then when things were at their worst.
God allowed music to be a mainstay in my life and it was through music that I eventually began to regain some sense of self worth. I eventually remarried and my husband Larry and I were blessed with two additional children. God used my family to bring me closer to Him again. However, it wasn’t until a move away from friends, extended family, and a promising career in country music, that I finally completely, desperately, surrendered my life to Jesus. It was the single most liberating thing I have ever done!
I soon realized that I was not alone in my experiences. There are so many other women who have walked and are walking through the same circumstances I found myself in. I have discovered that sharing my story shows others how God can redeem the years the locusts have eaten. It is my passion to share my music and my story with women who are broken, inhibited, invisible, hopeless and lost. I have seen the glimmer of hope on the faces of women who recognize that someone understands where she is and that there IS an answer. In a world of self-help, confusing worldviews, and constantly changing, mixed messages, Jesus Christ is still the same yesterday, today and forever.